Where does our security come from?

I remember like it was yesterday. I was out on the playground with three other girls who were talking about boys. We were in third grade and I honestly didn't have a crush on any boy, but I wanted to fit in. After these girls whispered their secret crushes they asked me who I liked. I didn't have a secret crush but I thought I wanted to fit in so I picked one guy in my class that I thought was kind of cute. One of the girls ran over and told him, to which he immediately replied with "I don't like her, she has a big nose".  That opinion crushed my 8 year old heart and I went home and cried to my dad. He kissed my tear streaked cheeks and said, "Jen, I love your nose." He gently reminded me that it wasn't other opinions that mattered and that I was a beautiful girl. From that day on whenever I would feel insecure about something, he would encourage me and always end with "and, I love your nose." It became our little inside joke and it always built me up in a fun little way. My dad taught me a lot about what God's love is like. All the times I run around looking for acceptance and security in people or things when instead I need to come back to my heavenly father, and seek security in Him.

Recently I've been doing a bible/book study with some ladies in my church here in Davis. This study has been so influential in helping me examine my insecurity, and what the definition of insecurity is. I didn't realize how many different forms of insecurity were out there, some examples are: perfectionism, a constant need to make amends in relationships, unrealistic expectations on others... the list goes on. Just the first week of the study, God pointed out to me how much I valued other people's opinions and how I long to be accepted. How I constantly run to others to find security instead of him. The problem is that people hurt us, almost effortlessly. As I was reading yesterday, one paragraph jumped out at me, "In your pursuit of God-vested security, the only relationships in your life that will suffer rather than improve are the significantly unhealthy ones...Those that are the unhealthiest might not even survive at all." -Beth Moore
I realized in reading that phrase that I cannot cling to people to find security, that I can only cling to God when I experience discomfort and pain. God never promised his beloved that as long as they were pursuing him that everything and everyone else would work out great, that all our relationships would be resolved, but he did promise that he will never leave us or forsake us and his love for us is deeper than anything we can fathom.

 My husband is the best gift that God has given me. No other human relationship we have is as important as our relationship with each other. Nobody knows him like I do, and nobody knows me like he does. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses, which is why I am called to a higher standard in dealing with my insecurity. Even though the world is a brighter and happier place because we share it together, there are those days that feel like we have to fight off the world to keep our marriage whole. Despite all the love that we share we can't look to each other to fill our deep insecurity holes. We are imperfect people who constantly need Jesus, and who need to frequently address those times when we are weak. I have found that when I look to God to fill those deep holes that there is more of me to give to others, especially to my husband.
 I am looking forward to finishing this study with these ladies, and I highly recommend the book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore.